The Rock Star (Hollywood Heartthrobs Book 2) Page 13

  I have feelings for Dee.

  Like, genuine, ready to get hurt again, feelings.

  Like, want to wake up next to her and kiss with morning breath and cook her breakfast feelings.

  And I have no fucking clue what to do about it.

  We file onto the plane one by one and I’m seated across from Vik, who immediately pulls out a newspaper. I decide I should use the six hours to get my head sorted and figure out a plan of attack. If I asked my dad for advice, he would tell me to be a romantic, to use my music. But I know how far that got me in high school. Plus, Dee would have a fit if I started serenading her with a love ballad.

  I sidle over to Vik, trying to act casual.

  “Hey Vik, you’re an old-fashioned-morals kind of man.”

  He raises his eyebrows, not moving his eyes from the newspaper that lies on his lap. “If that’s your way of saying I’m an old fart, you better watch yourself. I may be twice your age, but I can still kick your ass, boy.”

  “I’m serious,” I laugh. “I need your help. And yes, I’m well aware you could kick my ass. There are no misunderstandings there.”

  This seems to appease him and he smiles, folding the paper and tucking it in the seat beside him. “Okay, so you need help with something.”

  I look over my shoulder, making sure there are no eavesdroppers. I’m glad to have a whole section separating me and Dee.

  “How do you let a girl know you’re interested in her?”

  “You mean, other than opening your mouth and telling her?”

  I make a face. “Vik, please. I’m trying to be subtle here.”

  He crosses his legs, ankle over knee. “So you want to know how to woo someone?”

  “Woo?”

  “Yes, gain her affections by delicately showing her you’d like to pursue something.”

  I curl my mouth downwards. “Sure, let’s go with that.”

  Vik nods. “Well, that’s easy. You just start showing her attention, pay her compliments, and wait to see if it’s reciprocated. If it is, you ask her on a date, and you go from there.”

  “Right.” I rub my rough fingertips together. “But… what if we’ve already…”

  I raise my eyebrows, but Vik just blinks at me.

  “You know…”

  I press my lips into a line and splay my fingers, and Vik frowns. It’s like the most pathetic game of charades ever.

  “YOU KNOW.”

  Is he really going to make me fucking say it?

  “Slept together?” Vik asks.

  “Yes! God.”

  “You could’ve just said that, instead of being weird about it.” He grimaces.

  “Okay, whatever. But yes, we’ve already done that. So how am I meant to subtly let her know I’m interested? If I ask her out, she’s just going to think I’m trying to get in her pants again.”

  “And that’s not what you’re doing?”

  “No, it’s not what I’m doing.” And I can tell by the defensiveness I feel in my chest, I’m telling the truth.

  Fuck, Dee’s really done a number on me.

  “You kids don’t mess around these days, do you?” Vik huffs, exasperated. “This is why you shouldn’t jump into bed with someone until you’re ready.”

  “Thanks Dad, I’ve already had the safety talk, though. So can we skip the contraception part and get to the advice part?”

  Vik clears his throat, interlacing his fingers. “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel?”

  “Yeah, that’s not going to work for me.”

  I’ve had enough relationship embarrassment for one lifetime. I at least want an inkling that Dee has feelings for me too before I pull that trigger. Vik frowns at me; I can tell he’s already exhausted by this conversation. But I’m desperate.

  “Please, I need some good advice. I’m totally lost.”

  Vik exhales and his face softens. He turns in his chair so that his knees are facing the aisle like mine.

  “Okay… it seems to me like the pair of you have gone from crawling to running. You need to prove to her you can walk.”

  I scrunch my face. “Yep, even more lost.”

  Vik grumbles. “You need to show her you can spend time together that’s affectionate, without jumping into bed afterward. Give her attention, but keep it somewhat platonic—but not too platonic.”

  “What the fuck is platonic, but not too platonic?”

  “Small acts of affection, an arm around her shoulder, a kiss on the cheek, that sort of thing.”

  I snort to myself. I can only imagine Dee’s reaction if I start pulling that shit on her. She’d probably punch me in the face or something. But what do I know? Vik is happily married and I’ve never made a single relationship work, so I clearly can’t trust my own judgement.

  “Thanks,” I say, turning to face the front of the plane. “And if I make an ass of myself in the process, you’re paying for my therapy bill.”

  Vik laughs. “Son, if I can give you any advice; it’s that we all make asses out of ourselves when we’re in love.”

  When I walk in the front door, it feels like everything is foreign. Like someone else lives in this house, not me. I look up at the photos on the wall of concerts, photographs taken from below of a man screaming into a microphone, but I don’t know who that man is.

  When did I choose this life? I know I crafted it for myself, but when did this persona take over my entire being and leave me with, what… a bunch of false gossip articles written about me and an ex that won’t give me my fucking dog back? I can’t take back my choices, but Vik was right. It’s not too late to change the narrative of my story.

  And I can’t help but think this starts with one person.

  Dee.

  I let Dee in on a private part of my life and she listened… and it felt fucking great. Is it crazy to think that I could bridge that gap between confidant and fuck buddy? That we could blend the two things together and end up with something epic?

  I won’t know unless I try.

  I pick up my phone and dial Dee’s number. Texting gives her too much time to think it over, an opportunity to ghost me. I want to talk to her straight up, and just see what happens.

  “Hello?”

  She’s surprised to hear from me. I can tell that already from her tone.

  “What are your plans tonight?” I ask.

  “Um… passing out on my couch? Or were you not also on that six-hour flight we just got off?”

  I laugh. “Surely you have more fuel in your tank than that, Dee. I expect Vik to curl up with a cup of tea, but not you.”

  “Vik has more vitality than all of us put together,” she snorts.

  “That’s probably true.”

  I look around the room, trying to come up with a proposition on the spot. I should’ve thought this through before I pulled the trigger. Then my eyes settle on a photo of me singing in Sydney from a year ago, and I get an idea.

  “Why don’t you get yourself ready, and I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

  “Get myself ready for what?” Her voice goes down an octave, and I’m guessing she thinks I’m planning on picking her up in my car and parking us over some seedy lookout so I can ravish her. And don’t get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to do that. But I need to play this right. I’ve set a precedent with Dee, and I need to work out how to unset it.

  “For a fun night out. No funny business, I promise.”

  It’s quiet on the other end and I hold my breath. Is she trying to think up an excuse? Have I made her feel so awkward her voice box has malfunctioned in discomfort? Jesus, say something… say anything…

  “Okay.”

  My eyes widen. “Okay?”

  “Okay, sure, you’ve piqued my curiosity.”

  I grin.

  “See you soon.”

  21

  Dee

  I stand staring at the contents of my wardrobe like a stunned taxidermy animal. How the hell do you dress for ‘a fun night out’? Am I
supposed to put on my dancing shoes? Throw on some active wear for a game of roller derby?

  I can’t text Xavier for more information, because then he would know how much thought I am putting into this. I would seem frazzled, and that is the opposite of how I want to come across after last night. When we made love (and other things) at the beach.

  Because that’s what it felt like. There was a clear distinction between our first time together in the bathroom and our last night in Hawaii. In the bathroom we fucked. There is no better description for it. Look up the word fuck in the dictionary and there would be a picture of me and Xavier going at it on the counter. But last night…

  I don’t know if it was because I’d gotten to know him a little better, or because I was in vacation mode, or because there was something freaky in the Hawaiian ocean water, but something shifted. There was lots of tender stroking… eye contact… it was slower and intimate and sensual.

  And now I don’t know how to act around him, which is why I left him balls up to the moon on the sand around ten o’clock without waking him. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to play it. Were we supposed to pick a room and spend the rest of the night together?

  But what was more disorienting… is that I wanted to.

  I wanted to fall asleep on his chest, and feel his fingers brushing my hair. I wanted to know if he made weird noises when he slept and feel his breath on my forehead and roll over, only to have him spoon me. I have honest to God, no use in denying it, want to punch myself in the face, feelings for Xavier Black.

  And I have no idea what to do about them.

  The only thing I do know is that he can’t find out. I can’t let on that I’m feeling this way, partly because I’m not sure if we are still playing these stupid power games, and partly because I’m ninety percent sure that he doesn’t feel the same way. As already stated, he’s Xavier fucking Black. Millionaire bad boy, Xavier Black. Could have any girl he wants, Xavier Black. Cheated on his ex, Xavier Black.

  And now he’s gone and invited me on a fun night out. What’s that about? He probably just wants to have a beer and doesn’t want to deal with the wrath of me later if it turns up in a gossip article. I am his chaperone, his goddam babysitter. I need to be spending less time with him and yet I’m still tasked with keeping him in line. I’m guessing that’s why he invited me, anyway.

  Okay, stop overthinking this. Just pick something.

  I opt for my denim shorts, a plain black T and some black strappy sandals. An outfit that could go from rock concert, to beach, to bowling alley, to bar. Best to cover my bases.

  I’m putting on the minimum amount of makeup when my phone buzzes in my back pocket.

  Xavier: Are you ready?

  My stomach does a stupid, fluttery thing. Fucking butterflies. Did they not get the memo that this is not a butterflies situation? This is not a date, and this is not a man I will ever pursue. I move my thumb over the screen.

  Me: Yep. Coming down now.

  I take a steadying breath, and remind myself that under no circumstances am I allowed to giggle or blush.

  When I open the door to my building, he’s standing on the sidewalk, leaning against a pole, hands in his pockets. He’s wearing his signature black t-shirt underneath a black sweatshirt, but has swapped out the black skinny jeans for gray ones. When he sees me, his face lights up and—

  Goddam it, I said no blushing!

  I press my lips together to crush the stupid smile that’s threatening to reveal itself, and instead look out at the street.

  “Did you drive in your invisible car tonight?”

  He grins. “I got a ride here. The place isn’t far, so we can walk.”

  “Ah yes, the mysterious place you’ve told me precisely no details about.”

  We begin our walk, turning left down the street. I silently go over all the venues in this direction to gauge what he’s up to.

  “You’ll find out soon enough.”

  We continue to walk in silence, and I try to convince myself it’s a comfortable one. And that we’re both not remembering that the last time we were together, his tongue was on my clitoris.

  A shiver runs down my spine.

  “So how did you like Hawaii?” I say, changing the subject, which could actually lead right back around to the subject I’m avoiding. “Like, filming in the jungle,” I add lamely.

  “Hawaii was awesome,” he says. “Working at the studio is always good, but there was something about trekking to those remote locations, sweating it out in the wild. You finish each day feeling like you’ve really done something, you know?”

  “I hear ya.”

  “Plus, ending each day with a beautiful sunset at a resort by the beach wasn’t bad either.”

  I look sideways at him, waiting for the smirk or the *wink wink*, but his face is relaxed, his eyes straight ahead.

  We turn a corner and the street ahead is buzzing with the Saturday night crowd, people dining in restaurants, walking into bars. I should be exhausted from the week we just had, but I’m happy to be here. And the anticipation is keeping me alert.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

  “I don’t have to,” he says, smiling and stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. “We’re here.”

  I look up at the brightly lit sign above our heads. “You’ve got to be fucking joking.”

  He grins, and his eyes glint evilly.

  “Karaoke? Are you serious?”

  “What’s wrong with karaoke?” he asks innocently.

  “Aside from the fact we aren’t drunk middle-aged women at a bachelorette party?”

  He holds the door open. “After you, madam.”

  I exhale forcefully out of my mouth. I guess I did agree to this vague plan. Rolling my eyes, I walk through the open door and into the terrible vocals that engulf me. The inside light is blue and purple, speckled with tiny dots made from the disco ball hanging overhead.

  “Oh, Jesus,” I say under my breath.

  “You’re excited, I can tell,” Xavier says, rubbing his hands together.

  “I can barely contain it. Why would you want to come to a karaoke bar?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “You sing for a living.”

  “Sang, past tense,” he says, his smile fading slightly. “And karaoke is different. It’s laid back, just a bit of fun.”

  I look over to a guy dressed in cargo shorts, absolutely butchering a cover of ‘I Want It That Way’ by the Backstreet Boys and grimace. “Fun for who?”

  “You just need a drink in you. How about a Mai Tai, for Hawaii’s sake?”

  I replay Adam’s words of caution in my head about Mai Tais, and think of how pointless it was because I ended up sleeping with Xavier anyway, without a drop of alcohol in my system.

  “Make mine a double.”

  We find a booth in the corner and slide in with our drinks from the bar. I’m surprised that no one has noticed Xavier so far. But then again, who would be expecting to see a famous musician at a karaoke dive bar?

  I take a sip of my drink and the first thing I notice is the burn. Xavier certainly ordered me a double. The taste of rum takes me right back to the beaches of The Big Island and I get a weird pang of nostalgia for a trip that I was still on yesterday.

  I keep thinking about that night on the beach when Xavier was playing the ukulele. He was in a whole different element than his usual performances. It was so stripped back… it was beautiful. When he first confided in me he wasn’t exactly a cool kid in high school, I couldn’t imagine it. I’d only ever known him to be the charming play boy. But hearing him play the delicate chords, sing with his voice soft, I could finally put the pieces together. It made me wonder what kind of musician he’d be if he hadn’t decided to change his entire persona to fit in.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asks me, tilting his head.

  “I’m wondering what your plans are for after the film wraps,” I say. “Is Xavier Black going to pick up his guitar a
gain?”

  He smiles, but like he has to force it. “I think me and the music industry in this town are over.”

  “Seems like a bit of a waste.”

  He shrugs. “I can still enjoy music without doing it for a living. Lots of people don’t get paid for their hobbies.”

  “Lots of people aren’t talented enough to make millions from their hobbies,” I correct him, raising my eyebrow. “I saw it on your face in Hawaii. You love singing and playing guitar. Why let some bad press get in the way of that?”

  He pushes his lips together. “There’s a bit more to it.”

  When he doesn’t go on, I drop it. He probably feels like he’s divulged enough personal information to me for one week.

  When a girl finishes her ear-piercing rendition of ‘Since You’ve Been Gone’, the MC takes over the mic to introduce the next act.

  “Our next performance comes from a spicy duo. Give it up for Xavier and Dee!”

  I dart my eyes to Xavier, who is grinning like the Grinch about to steal Christmas. “What did you do?!”

  “Are you ready for our debut?”

  Xavier grabs my hand and pulls me to the stage. As we reach the microphones, everyone starts cheering as they register who it is. I mean, actually going nuts. One girl cries. But I’m too distracted by the microphone in front of my face to take it in.

  “What song did you put us down for?” I hiss to Xavier. “What if I don’t know it?”

  He laughs. “Trust me, you’ll know it.”

  I take a breath and say a silent thank you to my extra strong Mai Tai. I need all the liquid confidence I can get.

  As the opening riff to the song starts, I recognize it instantly, and burst out laughing.

  “‘Tribute’? Seriously?”

  Xavier leans to the side, holding his microphone like the pro he is and staring at me. “This is the greatest and best song in the world…”

  I shake my head, biting my lip to stop myself from giggling.

  “Tribute.”

  A server with a tray of shots walks by below and I lean forward, taking two off the tray as Xavier nods enthusiastically. I down them both, one after the other.